Last time the first feeling was sadness, now it was anger. I felt betrayed. Here I had been wishing for something and eating healthy, and not knowing that it would end again. If we had gone to check it earlier, the doctor could have told us that it was an anembryonic pregnancy. Now we went for the ultrasound scan at the hospital and everything felt just right. I've had all kinds of pregnancy symptoms and no bleeding at all. The scanner showed that there was a sac, but no baby inside. So, there had been nobody inside.
I'm quite speechless right now. Last time I had a need to go through and talk about what happened. Now I don't have much to say about this thing. These things just happen and there nothing you can do about that. So, the thing is: I don't even have a need of eating ice cream or chocolate. Wow. No Ben & Jerries this time. Hopefully I'm writing some songs and playing the piano. Going on with life here and now, and doing something creative. Playing racing cars with my toddler. This day could be as well my favourite day. Today, not tomorrow.
I've never been a big fan of Winnie-the-Pooh, but here is something, that is good to remember:
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
― A.A. Milne
